Danny's Like Totally Radical and Excellent Day!
by Spiritual Magic
Summary: Dash frames Danny for smoking, Danny and Sam play some pranks on their neighbors, and Ember has plans to get rid of the ghost boy once and for all with her Halloween haunted fun house!
1. Smokin in the boys' room

**Disclaimer: I don't own Danny Phantom or any of the characters, and if you think I do then you're dumber than Dash.**

**CHAPTER 1: Smokin' in the Boys' Room**

Danny walked down the hall, and as he turned the corner, Dash, the most popular guy in school, due to the fact that he was a jock and his dad was like, the richest guy in the state, grabbed Danny and yanked him into the bathroom (the boys bathroom).

"Danny, have you been hitting on Paulina?" Dash growled. "I'm gonna shove your head into the toilet!"

"Thanks for the offer," said Danny. "But I wasn't hitting on your girl. Why would I want to? She's not just ugly, she's FUGLY!"

"That's not even a word!" Dash protested, but he looked uncertain.

"Oh, really," said Danny. "Did you eat a dictionary for lunch today?"

Dash turned red. "That's IT! How would you like me to shove a stick of dynamite up your ass, Fenton?"

Danny shrugged. "As long as it wasn't lit."

"Let me show you the popularity chart," Dash said, producing a chart out of thin air because it was a cartoon and you're allowed to do that in a cartoon. "You see, according to this chart, you're so low on the popularity scale that you don't even exist."

Danny gave an exaggerated yawn. Dash was getting angry. "I'm going to give you a new hairdo, Fenton!" he said, and shoved Danny's head into the toilet.

Then he flushed.

Suddenly, Mr. Lancer's voice could be heard in the hallway. "Get to class, hooligans!" he bellowed.

"Oh crap, it's Lancer!" said Dash, his eyes growing wide with fear. Quickly he yanked Danny's head out of the john, then lit a cigarette and gave it to him before Danny could protest. Lancer walked in, and when he saw Danny holding the cigarette his head practically exploded.

"MR. Fenton!" he shouted. "I cannot BELIEVE you are smoking in the boy's bathroom!"

"Well, where did you want me to smoke?" said Danny. "In the _girl's_ bathroom?"

"Don't sass me, boy!" said Lancer. "You're coming with me. I'm taking you in, son." He took a whiff of Danny's hair. "Did you take a shower in the toilet?" he asked.

Dash was on the floor laughing.

"I don't think this is very funny, Mr. Baxter," Lancer stated.

"Oh," said Dash. His tone changed to a serious one. "Why, uh, yes, uh, Mr. Lancer, sir. You're right; this boy has lost control and needs to be dealt with."

"I can't believe you framed me, Dash!" said Danny, struggling to break free as Mr. Lancer handcuffed him and led him to the door. When he opened it, Paulina fell in.

"I wasn't listening to every word you were saying!" she said, as she shoved the earphone behind her back. When she saw Danny, she snickered.

"In a little pickle, are ya, Danny?" she said.

"Yeah, he's in a jam all right," Lancer agreed.

"Would you stop talking about food? You're making me hungry!" said Danny.

"Should have thought about that before you lit up," said Lancer.

"I did NOT!" said Danny. "It was all a trick by Dash. He set me up!"

"Yeah sure," said Paulina.

"Shut up, Fugly!" growled Danny, trying to break free as Lancer pulled him away. "Who do you think you are, J-Lo?"

Paulina sauntered back into the classroom. Staring up at the ceiling and pretending not to be paying attention, Sam stuck out her foot and tripped her as she walked by. Paulina screamed and went flying.

"Sam Manson," boomed the voice over the P.A system, "Would you please come bail your boyfriend out of the principal's office!"

"He's not my boyfriend!" cried Sam. The class laughed. "And I haven't finished my anorexic lunch!" She dug her fork into her diet salad. It was the first time she'd eaten since last year. Of course, she was going to throw it up afterwards anyways. "Oh, why me?" she sighed.

Meanwhile, in the Ghost Zone, Ember was playing poker with Fright Knight and Clockwork.

"Checkmate," said Clockwork.

"Shut up and go fish!" said Fright Knight.

Ember groaned. She was going to teach these two morons to play the right way if it killed her. Wait…she was already dead. Speaking of that, the more Ember thought about how she died, the angrier it made her.

"How _did_ you die, anyway?" Clockwork asked her.

"Some crazed, obsessed fan shot me in the mall. In the head!" she raged.

"Oh my gosh! There's a mall inside your head?" Fright Knight exclaimed.

Since they didn't have any money or poker chips, they were playing with M&Ms. But Fright Knight was picking them up and putting them in his mouth and spitting them out again.

"Stop touching all the M&Ms you diseased monkey!" Ember screamed, snatching them away from him. "This isn't how you play the game! If you don't stop I'll eat your face!"

Ember's blue hair blazed; she had a very bad temper that could escalate pretty quickly. You didn't want to mess with her.

Later that afternoon, Danny and Sam walked home from school.

"I got a 17 on the math test," said Sam.

"Whose paper did you have to cheat off to get that grade?" asked Danny.

"Carrots are orange," said Sam.

"Quiet!" hissed Danny. "Stop trying to impress me with your knowledge!"

"Okay, jeez," said Sam. "So what do you want to do?"

"Let's go haunt a house," said Danny.

Sam's eyes widened with shock. "But Danny, you don't—"

"Hey!" he shot out. "I'm a ghost. I can do whatever I want. I can eat A Slimer sandwich if I want. And right now, I want to haunt a house. Stand back, I'm goin' ghost!"

Sam rolled her eyes. "Oh no," she said dryly. "We all better watch out."

After Danny went ghost, they decided to go downtown and get hot dogs. The hot dog guy was so scared of Danny's being a ghost, that he gave them hot dogs for free. All Danny ever thought about was food…and Paulina.

"Come on," he hissed. "Let's sneak up on this guy right here."

A couple of feet away from them, a man sat alone on a park bench, reading a newspaper. He didn't see them. "Hmmm," he said. "I think I'll blow my nose now." He pulled out a handkerchief, and just as he did so an invisible Danny jumped up and blasted his music class recorder in his ear. The man jumped up and went flying about 17 miles into the air.

"Oh, so that's what those things are for," said Sam. They ran down the street and asked old Mrs. Weaselsnapper if they could borrow her car. She didn't know the difference; she was like 90, anyway.

"Oh, why certainly, I'd be delighted," the senile old lady said (with her toothless mouth), and handed Danny the keys. Forget the fact that he didn't have his _license_! Danny and Sam jumped into the car, Danny into the driver's seat.

"Floor it!" said Sam. Danny did, and the car went screaming around the corner. It wasn't long before a police officer pulled them over. Danny rolled down the window and the cop approached.

"Uh…" he said. "Are you aware that you were going over 100 miles an hour?" he asked. Danny wasn't sure how to respond. Should he play dumb? Pretend he wasn't? Luckily, Sam saved him.

"Yup. Sure is a good thing this is a cartoon!" she quipped.

The cop was not impressed.

"Uhhh…we're not from around here!" Danny tried.

"Okay, where'ya from?" the cop asked.

"Uh…Wisconsin?" said Danny.

"Really?" said the cop. "Well, do they have _driving_ in Wisconsin?"

"Sure they do," said Danny. "I just stink at it."

"What's your name? I'm writing you a ticket," said the officer. He took out a notepad.

"Uh, Vlad. Vlad Masters," said Danny.

**Stay tuned for more of Danny and Sam's excellent adventures!**


	2. M Berskback

**CHAPTER 2: M. Bersback**

"Danny, are you okay? You've been acting somewhat strange lately," Maddie Fenton commented to her son the next morning. They were at the breakfast table, and Danny was shoveling Pac Man cereal into his mouth the way only a teenage boy could.

"Yeah," his Dad, Jack, agreed. "You seem really O.O.C."

"Mphmpmhmphm?" said Danny, food falling out of his mouth as he spoke.

"What did he say?" asked Maddie.

"He said, 'what do you mean'," Jack replied. "I know that because I speak Teenage Mouth Full of Food."

"Oh," said Maddie. "Well, Mr. Lancer called yesterday to say you've copped quite an attitude at school, saying things you don't normally say and acting like a…well a jerk."

Jazz, who had been quiet up until that point, dropped her fork with a clatter. "So what?" she said. "Just because he's finally acting like a regular teenage boy and not some super-sensitive goody two shoes, you think something's _wrong_?"

"I certainly hope nothing is," Maddie commented. "Danny, he also said you've been smoking."

"There's nothing wrong with enjoying a butt once in a while," Jack said, snapping the newspaper. "Although cigars are what the real man smokes."

Maddie turned pale. "What?"

"I didn't!" Danny protested.

"Honey, Dash Baxter was right there. He saw you," Maddie answered, concerned.

"Well why does everyone believe Dash over me?" Danny said fiercely.

"Because he's an A student and a jock," Maddie said. "You get C's and you don't do anything."

"Oh that's right," Danny scoffed. "I'm just invisible." He couldn't listen to this anymore. He got up and stomped out of the room.

"Oh don't worry about a thing," said Jazz. "He's just going through his rebellious phase."

"But what if he ends up like that awful Sam Manson?" asked Maddie.

When Danny got upstairs, the first thing he did was call Sam. Sam had been waiting by the phone for Danny's call, and when it rang it scared her so badly that she jumped a mile into the air.

She grabbed the phone. "Hello?"

"Sam? It's Danny."

"Oh, Danny! What I surprise! I totally was not expecting you to call," said Sam.

"I just called to say that we should talk online," said Danny. "I don't like the phone. It's so ten years ago."

"Okay," said Sam, and raced to her computer.

_Here is the actual transcribed conversation between Danny and Sam:_

Ghostboy1991: Hey

Gothgirl91: OMG how R U. What's going on?

Ghostboy1991: NM. Just fighting some ghosts. JK!

Gothgirl91: LOL! ROTFL!

Ghostboy1991: BRB

Twelve minutes go by.

Ghostboy1991: Back

Gothgirl91: WB :-)

Ghostboy1991: BTW, my parents are being losers.

Gothgirl91:-(

Ghostboy1991: GTG

Gothgirl91: TTYL!

Danny walked to school. When he got to school, he opened his locker to throw his Toaster Tart in with the others. But little did he know that Ember was hiding in there. Suddenly she reached out and grabbed Danny's neck, choking him.

"For crying out loud!" he gurgled. "Ember, what did I ever do to you?"

"Hmmm," said the ghost. "Let's try sucking me up into your Dad's smelly thermos and then breaking my guitar and like totally ruining my life!" That was the problem with Ember: she kept forgetting she was dead.

"Oh," said Danny. "I forgot about that. Well I gotta get to class. See ya round!" And he hurried off to his 8:45.

Danny slid into his seat, luckily for him, approximately half a second before Mr. Lancer arrived. Behind him, he heard Dash trying hard to not to burst out laughing. His stifled giggles sounded like wheezing. Danny was afraid to ask; he didn't even want to know what was so humorous.

"Good morning class," said Mr. Lancer, throwing open the door. It hit the side wall with a loud bang. Lancer did this every morning, but Paulina still jumped every time.

Dash was nearly falling out of his chair as Lancer approached his desk. Danny wondered if perhaps he would go into cardiac arrest. Lancer promptly took his seat…and a loud fart was heard.He was stone-facedas he pulled a flat whoopee cushion out from under his rear end. "Oh my God!" Dash chortled, absolutely losing it. He was on the floor.

"MISTER Baxter!" Lancer barked. "Do you find this funny?"

"Fenton did it…" Dash choked out, pointing at Danny.

"I did not!" cried Danny. "I just got here! Ask anybody!" He glanced around the room for help, but the other students shifted their eyes away. He noticed Sam hadn't yet arrived-and she was the only person in the class who might have defended him.

As if on cue, Sam entered the room, wearing a shirt with an obscene saying on it, no less. Half the kids cracked up, and Dash let loose a laugh much like that of a wild hyena.

"Miss Manson, you know you're not supposed to wear shirts like that to school," said Lancer. "Now you'll have to go home." It was no use; the entire class was in a complete uproar. Sam took her seat slowly, her expression grave. She wore a black veil as if someone had died, and she completely ignored Lancer's request. Danny looked at the words written on her shirt and whistled softly. Oh boy.

"Just for this, we are going to have a pop quiz today!" Lancer announced, his face red with a burning rage. "Just to show how much I hate you all. This quiz will be worth half of your term grade so GET OUT A PENCIL!"

Everyone groaned.

"I don't have a pencil," said Danny.

"Well then I guess you fail!" Lancer shot back.

"This is all your fault, you and your stupid shirt!" Paulina hissed at Sam.

Sam stared straight ahead, unflinching.

"Hey Sam, you're so ugly the dog won't play with you," Paulina continued, hoping to upset her.

Sam ignored her.

"You smell like a four week old cheese sandwich sitting on a radiator in an old lady's diaper bag!" Paulina tried again.

Still, Sam said nothing.

"AAAaaaaaaaaah!" screamed Paulina. "She's not responding to my senseless teasing!"

"Pssst, Danny," said Dash. Danny looked over, and Dash passed him a pencil. Danny was surprised that Dash was helping him, but he took it.

"What's the quiz on?" one girl asked.

"It's on what the Principal did on her date with the janitor last night," said Lancer without a tinge of sarcasm. "There's only one question, and if you don't get it exactly right, you flunk."

"Are you serious?" asked another boy. There was a general mumble from the class.

"Yes. Start writing," said Lancer.

Naturally, everyone waved the flag. Danny was angrier than ever as he left that day. He realized that he still had the pencil Dash had given him in his pocket. He pulled it out. It was a #2 pencil, on which the words "Dick Dipstick: Attorney" were emblazoned in tiny gold letters. _Who's this? _He wondered in his mind.


	3. I couldn't think of a title

**I know it's been quite awhile. Thanks for sticking with me.**

**

* * *

****Chapter 3: I couldn't think of a title for this chapter**

Meanwhile, Ember, Fright Knight, the Lunch Lady, and Skulker were plotting their revenge against Danny.

"I know!" said Ember. "We could lure him in with a haunted house! We'll set one up for the high school kids as a trap for him; you know he'll come! We can have hot dogs! And fried dough!" Ember looked at the Lunch Lady, who groaned. She was so old and fat, and she had, like, a second arm of flab hanging down from where her triceps should have been.

"Good idea," said Fright Knight. "Once he's inside, then we can abduct him. Muauauauahahahahahahaha!"

_Back at School…_

Danny didn't have time to wonder too much about the pencil, because as he was spacing out and staring at the pencil, the warning bell rang.

Dash shoved him. "Get to class, Fenton! Hurry up!"

When he was gone, Sam walked up to Danny and shook her head. "Nothing's changed in those popular kids since the fourth grade," she sighed.

"Yeah, except Paulina grew boobs!" said Danny. Sam scowled.

As they headed down the hall to math, a flyer stuck to the wall caught Danny's eye.

**_Ember and Fright Knight's Haunted Halloween House _**(it read)

_**Come if you dare! Get freaked out of your mind! **_

_**34 Amity Street: The abandoned old house. Halloween night at 9 p.m!**_

_**Only $10 for students; $15 for everyone else! Hot dogs and fried dough!**_

"What the heck is this?" Danny wondered.

"Nothing you could handle, mother F-er!" said a voice from behind him. Danny spun around and found himself face to face with Ember.

"What's the matter, Em? Can't even say the F word?" Danny retorted. "What's the deal with this house, anyway?"

"Oh, don't worry," said Ember. "It's nothing _you_ would be interested in."

"Oh yeah?" said Danny. "And what makes you so sure about that?"

"Don't go, Danny!" said Sam. "It's a trap!"

"He won't go," Ember sneered. "He can't handle it!"

"Oh yes I can!" said Danny.

"See!" said Sam. "This is just what she wants! She's using reverse psychology to trick you into going to she can kill you!"

"Shut up!" Ember said in a rage. Her fiery hair exploded as she turned to Danny. "Why do you hang out with this ass-picker?"

Danny hesitated. "Well, I, uh…"

"We have more than just reverse psychology; we have hot dogs and fried dough, too," said Ember's entrancing, musical voice.

"Hot dogs and fried dough!" Danny's eyes lit up as Ember's melodious words swirled around him. "We'll be there!"

Sam groaned and rolled her eyes. "I think I'm going to be grounded that night."

Danny grabbed her by the hand and pulled her along. "Since when has that stopped you?"

Star passed them on the way to class, swinging her hips as she walked. When she saw them, she stopped and smirked.

"You look a little pale, Fug," she said to Sam. "Did someone beat you with a fugly stick?"

"You better zip it, unless you want me to pull down your pants and show the whole school that you wear Depends," Sam shot back.

"Oh, please," said Star, tossing her hair.

Suddenly, Danny sneezed and sprayed globs ghost-snot all over her shirt.

"Oh my gaaawwwd!" shrieked Star, backing away as the radioactive green goo burned holes through her blouse. "No wonder you jerks don't have any friends!"

That night, the ghosts were busy setting up for the haunted house.

"Danny Phantom is going down!" said Ember. "Start decorating!"


End file.
